Dear Body, I Love You
Dear Body,
I have to start off by thanking you. Thank you for caring me this far. I have shared 30 years with you and during this time we have been through a lot. I haven't always treated you the best. There are scars, tattoos, and piercings that tell our story. I haven't always taken care of you and no matter how many times I have let you down, you continue to take care of me and for that I thank you.
Yup, the body in the picture above... is mine. Isn’t it just BEAUTIFUL?! My body created a human being y’all. Doesn’t that thought just blow your mind? It did for me. I mean come on, think about it. My body created another person who is part of me and my husband. Only God knows what and who she will be. But whatever she decides to be, it started inside of me.
I’m not going to lie. The day I looked at my growing belly and saw it’s first stretch mark, I cried. My poor husband trying to make me feel better said what I’m sure many men before him said, “eh don’t worry about it, I still find you beautiful.” Understandably, he didn’t get it. I wasn’t sad because I was scared he wasn’t going to find me attractive. It had nothing to do with him or the world. It had all to do with me. In my opinion, if my husband found me anything but beautiful after creating and delivering his child.....let’s just say there would have been a very big problem. Men who judge their partners appearance are not men at all.....but I will save that for a different blog.
I was a month shy of my 30th birthday the day I gave birth to my daughter. That means I had 30 years with my body. I knew every inch of it. I knew the clothes that were appropriate for my body type. I knew how I would look in a bathing suit. How to move it. What to do to feel sexy, everything. I grew up dancing and within the last few years started to weight lift. I knew my body, and in only 38 weeks it changed completely. I no longer new anything about it. In addition, I had to give birth via c-section so I got to add a 6 inch scar across my bikini line to the mix as well. I looked in the mirror at the hospital and had no clue who I was looking at. It felt like my soul transferred to this body that was 35 pounds heavier, full of stretch marks, scars, hormonal, and swollen. To top it off, I decided to breastfeed. So now I was training my body to do something it’s never done before. Don’t get me wrong, I planned for my daughter. So I knew everything I was taking on, and I gladly accepted. It’s just a big adjustment. My body no longer belonged to me. It was now here for the sole purpose of serving someone else. And you wonder why woman go into postpartum depression? I mean come on. This is a lot to take in such a short period of time.
I was scared beyond measure. I had the responsibility of taking care of another human being. There’s no training for this. You are thrown right in and told to swim. What if I fail? The amount of bad parenting videos that are shared is overwhelming. The most popular at the moment are the parents forgetting their babies in the car. I do not want to judge. I am not in their shoes and don’t know what their life is like. Personally, I don’t feel I can forget my child anywhere. Let alone a car. With technology being so big my husband and I were curious if there was a way our phones could remind us to check the back seat, and there was. If you have an iPhone here are the steps:
- Reminder app
- Create New Reminder
- Type in title. Example: “Check back seat”
- Select: Remind me at location
- Hit: Location
- Select: Getting out of the car
The only thing is you have to hit “Dismiss” when the reminder goes off. If not, then the reminder is deleted.
Going home I did little to acknowledge my body. I wasn’t ashamed of it. I just wasn’t proud. Slowly the negative thoughts about myself started to sneak in. One day I thought of the reasons why I was starting to feel sad. Yes my body is not what it was, yes it’s now scarred, yes I’m heavier. However, I can loose the weight, I’ll eventually get use to my new body, and the scars...I just created life! Something people would give anything to do yet their bodies won’t let them. Here I am always asking for blessings and when I receive one, I’m sad? It made no sense and to me sounded so shallow and vain. So I made myself stop. I started working out the next day and woke up grateful for my daughter and everything my body did to get her here.
Ladies it’s hard. Each of us go through pregnancy, labor, and postpartum differently. You have the right to feel any way during this chapter. Allow yourself to experience the motions. However, do not live there. If you see yourself struggling, getting too deep into a depression, allowing your thoughts to get the best of you, step back and find a resolution. Go visit your doctor, start working out, read, or find a group of moms you can relate to. You do not have to experience this alone. Allow yourself to be proud of yourself and everything you've accomplished. Remember your baby doesn't need you to be perfect, they just need you to be their mom no matter how you look. Be proud of your body and how far it has brought you. Don't be ashamed of the scars, embrace them. When you wake every morning drop to your knees in prayer and then be the best mom God made you to be. You got this. You are beautiful, you are perfect, you are a mom.
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